Ran-diddly-andom

It's funny. Good writing makes me want to write.

I've stumbled on a few blogs recently that I really enjoy. Both of them are written by women who have such compelling and different voices... yet, there's something similar that I can't quite nail down. Perhaps the fact that they're both extremely talented is enough of a connection. But it's more than that. Neither of them are pretentious or self-glorifying, which I think people in the "blogosphere" can so easily be. For lack of a better phrase, they're so clearly them. Which, truth be told, is a bit awkward for me to say--considering I don't actually know either of them.

But. Here they are: Kelle Hampton and Sarah Markley.

Check them out. Enjoy their voices. Be inspired.

2 out of 3 ain't bad... right?

I guess it depends on what you're talking about. In this post, I happen to be talking about what I casually refer to as "The Morning Trifecta."

1. Taking a shower
2. Doing my hair
3. Putting on make-up

I almost NEVER accomplish all 3 on any given morning. In fact, if I'm honest, my hair is sorely mistreated. But, I will say, I've gotten quite clever at messy buns and half completed braids. This makes is appear as though I've tried to get my hair to do something... but really, I've spent the extra 15 minutes snoozing. Because apparently, I'd rather sleep than look cute.

Dear Lord.

I don't even have kids and I'm already sacrificing appearance for comfort. The writing on the wall is clear: I will not be one of those moms that's well put together and adorable.

But, I'll be comfortable. The kids will be comfortable. And hopefully, that'll be enough.

Vitamin D-ficient

I have new insurance, so I thought it'd be a good idea to go and have my annual physical. I went to my new doctor in my new HMO and was having quite a pleasant visit. I mean, how pleasant are annual exams usually?

I really liked my doctor and we had some unexpected things in common. I was surprised by how much she was willing to share about herself, and how warmly I responded to her candor.

All was going well.

That is, until she began to leave the room:

"We're going to have the lab check all your levels, and we're going to keep an eye on your Vitamin D. It looks like you don't get a lot of sun."

I was taken aback. Surprised, even. I felt the need to explain myself.

"I know. I'm white. And I do try to stay out of the sun. But I exercise a lot... I just use a hat and sunglasses to shade myself. Because I burn so easy. Because I'm so fair." I said everything so fast, even I knew I sounded desperate. And a little bit dorky.

She looked at her clipboard, flipped a few pages, wrote something down. Then said:

"Oh, well sure. I just think you might be deficient. If you are, it's no big deal. You just have to add a vitamin supplement to your diet."

Well, here I am 7 days later with the lab results in hand: All labs are fine except vitamin d level is low. Recommend 2000 IU of vitamin D3 daily.

Maybe I should be a vampire for Halloween.

Spiritual Discipline of the Latte

I've been meeting with a spiritual director once a month for the last 6 months or so, and I can safely say, it's been pretty fantastic for me. She helps me recognize God in unexpected ways... and I love that. Sometimes I talk myself into semi-neurotic circles of doubt and confusion, and she has a way of helping me recognize God in the midst of chaos and paradox. I think the biggest discovery we've recently made is the idea of God being paradox: Powerful and merciful. Strong and gentle. All knowing and outside of time and personal and intimate.

The thing I struggle with most in my relationship with God is trying to make sense of all the suffering and evil that takes place in the world--and knowing that God could stop and prevent all of it. But doesn't. Why not? I mean, really. AIDS. Darfur. Haiti. Cancer. Rape. Sometimes I'm simply overwhelmed by it.

There's this one scene from Blood Diamond (with Jennifer Connolley and Leonardo DiCaprio) where they're talking about the monstrosities that took place in Africa during Apartheid. And Leo's character says, "I wonder. Will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? And then I remember, God left this place a long time ago."

Or maybe you remember that "Dear God" song by XTC. I just heard Sarah McLauchlan do a cover of it on the radio the other day. And the last verse is still ringing in my ears:
You're always letting us humans down
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And it's the same the whole world 'round.
The hurt I see helps to compound
That Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Is just somebody's unholy hoax,
And if you're up there you'd perceive,
That my heart's here upon my sleeve.
If there's one thing I don't believe in...
It's you...
Dear God.

I mean. This stuff breaks my heart. And not because these people don't know Jesus. It kills me because I can see and understand why people believe in this. For me, sometimes the only thing that keeps my faith alive is the vain hope that there has to be something better. There just has to be. This can't be it.

So anyway. The latte.

After meeting with my director this week, she suggested I do a spiritual discipline with my favorite treat: the latte I treat myself with once a week (usually on Fridays). She advised me to take some time and really experience it with all my senses. To let this be my "devotional" or "God time." So, today I decided to do just that. Here's an excerpt from my journal about the experience:

I love feeling the drink roll down my throat and feeling it settle in my stomach. I love the lingering taste it leaves on the back of my throat. It's almost like I taste more of the flavor after it's been swallowed. Maybe God is like that, too. He's in our midst and always present--but it's not until after we think He's already left that we feel his presence more strongly. I still have the taste of coffee on my breath, my tongue, even though it's been a while since I took a sip.

Have you ever been called ugly to your face?

I have. And I'm not even lying.
Today, while purchasing some items for our church's Mexico house-build trip, I had one of the most ridiculous interactions of my life. And I'm not exaggerating. I have a witness. Her name is Laura Agee.

I put my 7 items on the counter, and paid with a credit card. The cashier then asked for my ID, which I fully expected.

Then, something entirely uncalled for happened. She uttered these words:
"Oh... you don't look as beautiful as you do in this picture."

How does one respond to that? I was so taken aback. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and say, "I don't know."

I looked at my friend Laura, eyes as wide as saucers, asking--albeit telepathically--Did she really just say that?!

After the cashier had put my items in a plastic bag, and muttered something about an Avery address label rebate, she said, "I was just kidding."

I smiled and performed a fake laugh, crying on the inside.

Then, she said something even stranger:
"So, your name is Jessica?"

"Yes," I replied. (She's just looked at my identification, and looked up my Staples card in the system. Her verification question to me only moments earlier was, Are you Jessica?) Why, in the name of all that is normal and right in this world, would she ask for my name again?

I've decided that this lady is a lunatic. And therefore, I will not take her insults to heart. Builds character, right?
Sheesh.

What's with today, Today?

Reasons why today is lame:

1. Everyone has commented on my outfit today, most of them have been negative and/or insulting. I wore shorts to work today. And a pink shirt. It's spring. It felt appropriate. However, many of my coworkers--along with people who've popped in the office--have decided it's too cold for such attire. Need I remind you, we are living in San Diego? Or that it's March? Or that it's 65 degrees outside--and around 70 inside? Sheesh.
2. I couldn't, for the life of me, prepare my breakfast in a timely manner. First, I couldn't find the bowls at work. Second, it was hard to open the cereal box. Third, it took FOREVER to cut the strawberries. Fourth, I kept dropping said strawberries. Fifth, I somehow managed to spray strawberry juice onto my khaki shorts. Lovely.
3. I have a stye in my eye. It hurts. It's ugly. And I couldn't put on makeup to cover it up.

Reasons why today is grand:

1. While it took years for my breakfast to finally be ready, it tasted wonderful. We tried a new granola--organic granola with peanuts--and I, for one, will never go back to Flax Plus "original" again.
2. My lunch was superb: leftover sweet potato & leek soup with rice and half of a leftover Rico's California burrito.
3. Chris and I have recently gotten into a rut which is, quite possibly, one of the most joyous ruts I can think of. We have become addicted to Boston Legal, and every night, we race home to watch as many as we possibly can before we fall asleep on the couch. Free library rentals are my favorite.

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man just got a rabies vaccine.

The trouble with getting behind on blogging is that if you wait too long--nothing seems important enough to say. I mean really. It's not like I can have just any old story break the silence now. It's been... far too long. This mode of thinking, however, has continued to feed the procrastination monster that seems to have completely taken over my once able mind. With that said, I hope I haven't built myself up too much. Because this one is a doozy.

But I digress.

I've come out of hiding to alert you about a current epidemic sweeping my office. Swine Flu? No way. The common cold? As if. No, dear reader, I assure you, it's much more terrifying than that.

What has beady eyes, toxic poop, and a devilishly horrifying scurry?

If you guessed mice, congratulations.

Our office manager has had not one, but two, sightings in her office alone. There have been countless others, and now--I'm officially concerned. You see, the office manager and I have a shared wall and ceiling. Meaning, I could be the victim of the next attack.

Yesterday, at approximately 2:47 pm, a mouse literally fell from the ceiling. After landing on a filing cabinet, he launched himself across the room, and dashed behind some picture frames. The disgusting creature was then stalked by our Director of Communications and Facilities Manager, only to have met his fateful end at the hands of Doug, the Mousey Hunter. And that's just the beginning.

Today another rodent was found dead under a desk. And our print shop specialist is convinced he saw a mouse run across the lobby this morning. Earlier this afternoon, I heard a rustling in my office which sent shivers down my spine. What if I come face to face with the vile thing?

I, for one, can't shake the image of the entire species taking root in our ceiling. I have visions of the indoor roof tiles giving way to a gray haze of vermin falling from the sky.

They are everywhere.

Oh god. What was that sound??