All in the Timing

I was in a play called Words, Words, Words by David Ives when I was in high school. It was originally published with other short plays by the same author in a book called All in the Timing. The premise of Words was simple: Given infinite, if you put 3 monkeys in a room with 3 typewriters, eventually they will type Hamlet. Of course, the genius of this play--and most comedic forays--is perfect timing. And I can't help but wonder if sometimes our lives read like such literary pursuits.

Allow me to explain.

It's no secret that I'm not entirely pleased with my current place of employment (to say the least). In fact, most of my postings in the last year have been devoted to the fact that since Harcourt closed its San Diego office in June of 2008, I've been relatively limp as far as my career is concerned. I've mourned the loss of that place and that job for so long. And while I know it was important for me to walk this journey, I can't help but feel a little ridiculous. I spent so much time being bitter and angry... and now I'm feeling a bit bitter and angry that I let myself waste so much time being bitter and angry. (See, it's a vicious cycle.)

Of course, it's easy to feel positive now.

Chris and I are planning a European adventure that I still can't believe is real. We're leaving in TWO WEEKS, and I for one, cannot wrap my brain around it. Our marriage is strong and our relationship is healthy. I'm visiting my parents and brother this weekend.

And, yes, I was offered a new job.

I can't be explicit yet because the offer is pending based on the results of my background check. But, we're 99.9% there. I'll give you three guesses where it is.

Here's a clue... as my dad mentioned when I told him the news: "Jess, God wants you working in his house. And that's a good thing."

Perfect timing.

T-Shirt Genius

Allison Morris blogged about a few of these t-shirt designs a while back, and I just have to follow up with a few of my favorites. I know my birthday has already past, but if you get a hankering to buy me a "Just Because" gift--these are all at the top of my list:

So far, this is the oldest I've ever been
Procrastinators: Leaders of Tomorrow
I'm a noun!
Ninjas and Pirates agree: Cowboys suck
I listen to bands that don't even exist yet
Haikus are easy

Hilarious!

What I Saw and How I Lied

Recently, we read THIS book for Book Club. It's a teen novel, so it went fast. A little too fast. In fact, I read this book in about three and a half hours.

Since it's only available in hardcover (which, after tax, winds up being $18.98!), I decided that I'd return it to the retailer. The day after I bought it.

I don't normally make a habit of treating the book store like a library. But when I finish a book as quickly as I did--in hardcover--for that price!--it seemed fair. Plus, the subject matter made me really sad. (All those who like to read about how a mom and daughter unknowingly compete against each other for the same man, say "I". Oh, did I mention that Mom is married?)

I could picture myself staring at the book on my shelf, thinking, "I overpaid. And for a book I didn't even like very much." What future joy will come from that?

Don't worry. The book store got the last laugh. When I returned the already read book, the woman working the counter was the same clerk I bought it from originally.

"Just not the right one, huh?" she asked as I handed back the book and receipt. It was like she could see right through me!
"Yeah," I lied. "Something like that."

Oh, Happy Day(s)!

It was my birthday on Sunday, May 3. But really, celebrations started as early as Thursday, April 30.

It all began a few weeks ago, when Chris told me we were having dinner with his lab on Thursday. However, unknown to me, this was a complete and total lie.

Fast forward to Thursday evening, when Chris tells me that we need to stop by my aunt's house--on the way to dinner with the lab--in order to pick up some tubs for the birthday party we were throwing on Saturday. Chris was running late, and I was stressed that we were going to be even later to his professor's house. But, we got the show on the road, and managed to get to Aunt Deb's by 6:45. (The dinner was supposedly at 7:00.)

The tubs were waiting by the door, and Chris quickly loaded them in our car. I really wanted to visit with Deb & Tom's new puppy, so, I moseyed up the stairs. I hugged my family, said hello, and asked, "Where's the little guy?"

Out of nowhere, my MOM bounced up from behind the couch--holding the dog. I couldn't believe it! Since she and my dad moved to Oregon, I hardly ever get to see them. And it was such a treat to be surprised by her--in the flesh!--for my birthday.

Everyone started laughing; I started crying; Mom started screaming; the puppy started dancing. It was the most wonderful moment ever.

Deb quickly added: "Chris planned a totally bogus get-together tonight. You're actually staying here and having dinner with us!"

Best Birthday Gift... Ever!

A Good Trade

In an effort to be more fiscally conservative, Chris and I have been doing more grocery shopping and less dining out. Additionally, we've been trying to watch what we eat--and limit our intake of fast food. Being that we both work 40-hour weeks (sometimes more), dinner can sometimes be a big task. But we're slowly getting more creative with our cooking, and learning how to make semi-gourmet meals as fast as possible.

More often than not, I end up bringing leftovers to work for a few days. (This also helps the budget. Eating out at roughly $7/day adds up fast.) However, there are days when I'm just sick of the meal--and can't eat it for a third day in a row.

Today was one such day. We'd made sauteed chicken with pesto bow tie pasta for dinner on Monday. It was great, and we were both thoroughly pleased with how it came out. I brought it for lunch yesterday--and for dinner, we cut up some of the leftover chicken and made quesadillas. But today, I couldn't stomach the possibility of having that chicken for lunch... again.

I shared my dilemma with a coworker who obligingly said,
"How about I give you my lunch money, and I'll take your leftovers."
"Are you serious? That doesn't seem fair."
"It's totally fair. I think that sounds delicious. And I really don't want to eat out."

So, I took my new found $7 and got myself a nice salad.

Who knew that leftovers could be such a hot commodity?

P is for Pointless

I have a confession to make. When I travel, I often like to buy $7.99 mass market paperback mysteries and read them as fast as I can. This weekend, since Chris and I traveled to the Bay Area to visit his folks for Easter, was a perfect opportunity to do just that.

At the airport, I paid my dutiful $8.08 for a novel by Sue Grafton called P is for Peril. It had all the makings of a great vacation read: murder, romance, divorce, mistaken identity, and interior design. To sum up using a perfectly cliche phrase, nothing was as it seemed. But once I got to the end, I never wanted to read another Sue Grafton novel ever again.

I wasn't expecting much; a simple who-done-it was all I wanted. But what good is a who-done-it if you come to the end and still don't know? Thankfully I hadn't invested a lot of time in it, but still. I was seriously annoyed.

Quickly thereafter, I decide to poke around online and see if I was the only one who felt this way. My google searches took me to countless websites where people confessed their disappointment:

• "After reading the last chapter, I actually tried to return this because I thought there were pages missing."
• "I have no idea who murdered Dowan Purcell. HELP!!!!!!"
• "Are Anica and Crystal lovers?"
• "Wait. So there was a hospital cover up, right? Who takes the fall?"
• Was anyone else totally confused at the end?"
• "This book is two revisions and one chapter short of being publishable. Who was the editor?"

Feeling redeemed and much better about my reading comprehension skills, I mentioned the debacle to a friend at work.

"Oh I love Sue Grafton," he said.

He then went searching through his desk and showed me a picture of the two of them at an author signing. "She's a really nice lady."

"Oh, jeez," I said. "I can't hate this woman. She's the real life Jessica Fletcher."

"She totally is! Give the girl another shot," he smiled. "No pun intended."

I now find myself in the midst of another crisis: Do I give her another chance? Or move on to Jonathan Kellerman?

Stranger than Fiction

Today I received an email from our IT Department. I've copied and pasted it in its entirety.

All:

Tough economic times call for tough economic measures.

The cost for keeping our applications running is skyrocketing. In order to offset some of those costs, we will have to start charging all Partner Applications users a small per-use fee whenever logging into the site. You will only be charged once per login regardless of how many applications you run. The fee is $0.22 and will be deducted from your paycheck by-weekly. The new charge will take effect today.

Please let me know if you have any concerns.

Regards,

I'd like to point out a few things:

1. The misspelled "bi-weekly" in the second paragraph
2. There is no name after "Regards,"
3. This is potentially the worst April Fool's Joke ever.