- Falling asleep to the Olympics
- Watching too many Olympic events
- Chicken fingers and french fries for dinner at 9 pm
- Eating frozen yogurt before your fatty dinner
Allow me to elaborate.
A few nights ago, I had the most ridiculous dream of my entire life.
I was in China at a McDonald's with my friends Beth and Wendy--and few athletes. (This is no surprise considering it's one of my goals to get Beth and Michael Phelps together.)
Well, we'd finished our Big Macs and it was time to start packing up. I grabbed my tray and headed for the trashcan. But as I turned around, I saw Beth and Wendy get into a white, unmarked van and speed off with the athletes, effectively stranding me in the Chinese McDonald's.
To make matters worse, everyone left a bunch of their crap on the table--purses, wallets, dog collars (??!!)--and so, being the good Samaritan that I am, I figured I'd at least put the stuff in my bag to give to them later.
But, everyone in the restaurant started to give me the stink eye. And hide their personal effects.
I had a stunning revelation: They thought I was stealing.
I went over to one of the patrons.
"I'm not stealing, you know," I defended. "I'm cleaning up after my friends."
She didn't understand what I was saying--and clearly spoke no English. Muttering something in Mandarin, she knelt down and handed over her wallet.
Great, I thought. Now they really think I'm a thief.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, an enourmous Chinese man with two rottweilers came over to us. I thought he was going to release the hounds, but he merely asked for the dog collars that had been left on the table. Not remembering who the collars belonged to in the first place--and thanking God I was not the victim of a canine attack--I handed them over immediately.
I decided it was time to try and get back to my hotel, so I gave the crouching lady her wallet back and headed for the door. Only to run into my Uncle Joey and his partner Antonio on the sidewalk. I was saved!
I started to tell them my sad, sad story--but then Antonio picked a fight with a local.
"You're in the way," said the local. "I'm trying to cross the street."
"Figure it out," Antonio said smugly.
The local reached into his pocket. I could tell it was going to get ugly.
And then I woke up.
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3 comments:
ahh! i also have terrifying dreams when i fall asleep during the olympics. in my latest one there was an old man who was trying to sneak up and beat me senseless with a GIANT pepper mill...and if he had succeeded he would have somehow been able to borrow money from my in-laws.
I also had a pretty sweet dream about the olympics recently. I was competing in a swimming event (NOTE: I can barely swim in reality) and while swimming I had to eat a giant cone of cotton candy! Then in the next swimming event I had to swim around a pool scooping up falafel balls with a giant pita! How ridicules is that.
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