Something incredibly rude

My aunt's wedding reception was a huge success. There was dancing; there was drinking; there was debauchery; and there was family I hadn't seen in at least 15 years. All of Oma's living brothers and sisters made the trip with their spouses and kids. It was pretty incredible to have all those Dutch people in one room.

And you know what they say about us Dutch: "If you're not Dutch, you're not much."

The toast went all right, too. Although, there was some kind of a/v miscommunication, and so a slide show of Oma started going while I was in the middle of the speech. And then, the birthday cake was brought out prematurely. Not wanting to take up anymore time, I wrapped up early. It was never about me in the first place--I just wanted to make sure that Oma felt honored. And she did. So, yay.

But, literally, I had the most ridiculous interaction ever in my life right after the toast. This random woman approached me, and here, verbatim, is our conversation:

Woman: "Can I just say, you are so DUTCH!"

Me: "Oh gosh, thanks?"

Woman: "You have the blonde hair and the curves."

Me: "Haha. Thank you."

Woman: "And you also have the ankles."

Me: "I'm sorry. What?"

Woman: "I was looking at you and said to myself! 'Yep! She's got the big ankles, just like the rest of us!' Don't worry, honey. Everyone in this room has them. I've got them, too."

(At this point, she picks up her leg and shows me her enormous cankle.)

Me: "Haha, yeah. I guess it's just our Dutch curse."

Never before have I wanted to hit someone so badly. For the first time, I wished my life was a movie simply so I could have a dream sequence in which I'm pummeling another human being to the ground--and enjoying it.

Why, in the name of all that is holy, would one woman say something like that to another? I mean, seriously. Now that a couple of days have gone by, I can recognize how freaking hilarious this is. (Which is why I'm sharing it with all of you.) But if I read it in an essay or saw it in a movie, I would have dismissed it as completely unbelievable.

Well, I'll be the first to admit I was wrong. Once again, truth is stranger than fiction. Literally, I couldn't make this shit up.